If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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