At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
