what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
