they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
