May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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