Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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