I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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