between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
