he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
