She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
