I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
