JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
