Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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