The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
