I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
