I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
