look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
