I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
