Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
