Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
