they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
