he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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