I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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