you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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