my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
