I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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