the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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