i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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