yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
