People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
