those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
