just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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