I seem to have left my pride at pride
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
