Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
