he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
