Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
