Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
