Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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