somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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