make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize