6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
