1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
