Small penises have feelings too.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
