Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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