Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
