i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
