He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
