I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
