he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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