Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
