hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
