i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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