I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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