I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
