Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
