Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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