lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
