if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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