take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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