dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
