omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
