so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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