So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
