I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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