Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
