Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
